DAY 176...Meltdown

Tuesday 19th April

An early morning paddle, launching from Mussel Point.  It was cold and just before 8am when we arrived at the beach, unloaded and got sorted.  We dragged T2 along the sand path to the beach, and there it was the swell, the incoming tide, me T2 and Nat.  I looked and looked at the sets of waves, the timings and the dumping white foam.  We attempted to launch numerous times, we would get a moment of calm, get ready and in the water to launch and MN would slam dunk us with the next 10 minutes of crashing wave sets again.  I was washed sideways, off my feet and basically tormented and teased for the next two hours.  Yes I did try and yes I did get slammed and as yes, as I always say, MN is great at keeping me honest and real.

I was rather distressed and tired at this horror morning of mine.

I felt totally useless by the time I threw my paddle on the sand and gave up for the morning, and as I turned MN sighed and calmed for a split second!  Just enough to say take that, I am in control, not you!

I walked away from Nat today, I sat on the beach in the cold morning air and I stared at the ocean.  I hated the fact it had beaten me and I felt weak, feeble and very useless.  I was angry and bloody frustrated.  That does not even begin to be a good description of my mind and my thoughts, a couple of tears dared to stream down my face just to really irk me.

In the end I gave up, I towed T2 back to Cuzzie and we loaded her up.  I used a couple of newly created cursing words and then we drove. We talked we dissected the morning, we made it in the end be justifiable and compared it to just not having all the correct baking ingredients for a pav (a long story).  We had tried, we would return later today and look again at a low tide.  If I have to I will launch back at Jacksons Bay and paddle all day and night to get along this section.

Back at the campsite, I got my camping gear clean, flysheets aired, empty containers cleaned and all of my overnight camping gear stored away again.  I had an amazing chat with Eileen, (the backpacker from last night) she is keen to send in a video to a blog writer of my NZ journey.  It gives me a chance to spread my story, my journey and my reasons to an overseas section of people, brilliant.

The sun was shining  I did go back to the beach to torment myself.  It looked a little better so let's just see.  I can't and won't promise what tomorrow will bring, no one can, but I will try again.  I think that is what keeps me going, small steps and I just am not going to give up.

Dinner cooked, massive steaks, with lots of all our favourite extras.  Gear ready, warm sweet tea with dark chocolate .and at the moment I am so far away from the ocean I can not hear it. That is brilliant, she can not torment me tonight.

My smiles today:
My damn meltdown on the beach.  It happens to us all, it realigns me, grounds me.
Chatting with Eileen
Nat & her camera (she has some great shots of my meltdown).
My steak from Neat Meat, yum.

My thoughts today:
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it has happened.

Night from Red and Nat, Cuzzie and my kayaks.

Viewing the meltdown from a safe distance.  

DAY 175...Queenstown and Wanaka

Monday 18th April

Another day arrives and it was a day away from the water, to much wind and we had things to do.  Firstly I chatted to fellow campervan travellers, this is always so much fun and I have to say thank you for the generous donations to the bucket for the MHFNZ.  The sun was out the wind was blowing as we headed across the incredible countryside towards Wanaka & Queenstown for the day.

Jase stopped often to take numerous pics, it was stunning, beautiful and a blue blue cloudless sky.  New colours; bronze, tan, blue turquoise waters, autumn tree colours.  A total difference from my past 43 days in Fiordland.

It has been a busy day in Queenstown, admin, post office, bank etc then a wonderful lunch at a cafe, saying a sad, but very fond farewell to Jase at the airport as he headed back to Auckland for work after his great birthday weekend with us.  It was fun and he should have stayed for longer.  Food shopping, I was allowed into the butchers.  Neat Meat Queenstown your butchers shop rocked and the guys in the store made us welcome, we left with lots of yummy meat for the next few days.

Supermarket for a few items, then back to Wanaka to cook dinner by the lake and make some more phone calls.  Paul Caffyn, Mike Scanlan and then we hit the road back to Haast.  Along the way Nat squeals with delight as she sees a sign and she stops for her favourite fruit, fresh golden queen peaches, we have a box.  Ice cream for me on the trip back.

In the late night darkness as we left Wanaka we see two hitchhikers.  They are never going to get a lift this late at night, so a massive u-turn and soon we had Eileen and Mathias in the back of Cuzzie.  So much to chat about along the way that the next two hours flew, soon we were back at the Haast Top 10 campsite (thanks guys for your generous free accommodation to help this charity paddle keep moving) with them.  Nat managed to do her share of pest control taking out a possum and a rabbit, we also saw a deer but thankfully it was off the road, beautiful creature.  Cuzzie was setup for the night and the backpackers with the tent erected near by, cups of tea drunk, lots more chatter and damn it is now 1am.  Oops.  I now have only five hours sleep  then I have the weather to check, paddling a possible a maybe.  Lets's see what it is actually like.  Wind may pickup too much, but it may drop also.

It is damn cold outside tonight, the Cuzzie heater is on and I am getting ready for a freezing morning.  Today has been a long day, lots of chatting, planning and sorting, but still more to get done.  I am still not totally mentally sorted for this next leg and would like another day off the water to get prepared but not sure I have the luxury to do this when the weather windows have been so tight of late.  Bed and rest.  A short paddle, let's just see.

My smiles today:
This new horizon and skyline, gorgeous, amazing so vastly different.
Lunch in a cafe :)
Sunshine & the crisp mountain air.
The incredible butchers, Neat Meat.
Haast Campsite, Thank You! 
Hugs - they made me smile.
Being surrounded by caring and wonderful people.

My thoughts today:
Don't make excuses, make improvements.

Red

Mathias, Nat, Red and Eileen

DAY 174...Happy Birthday Jason!

SUNDAY 17th April..

Happy Birthday today to Jason, he has been with us since Friday and it was his birthday today.  We all had lay in both Nat and Jase had a sleep in, I chatted to friends on the Internet trying to keep still and quiet.  I managed that till bout 8am, then with my arms and shoulders filled with pins and needles I was needing to sit upright for awhile.  Wriggling upright in my sleeping bag wakes them and we talk about brekkie and a day of things to do.  Gradually we grab breakfast items from the cupboards of Cuzzie and head over to the kitchen to cook up a breakfast birthday feast.  Jase on coffee machine, Nat on bacon and grilled pears, me with my famous coconut pancakes.

It was totally scrumptious, then coffee cups refilled we where all happy.  We also had our new Star T shirts on, cool motto, thank you Andy.  It was a day to enjoy, we wasted no more time but jumped into a hire car and speed off to Fox glacier.  We joined in with the tourists and went climbing and staring at this awesome glacier.  Something I find really hard to actually comprehend is this glaciers thing, and it is moving all the time.  Weird and strange, my brain and forehead frown.

Back down the hill we walk, back into the car for a small lunchtime picnic hiding from the rain.  Then off to sit in the hot pools in Franz Joseph for the afternoon, what a wonderful time we had.  Cool rain falls on us while sitting in the hot pools, pretty special.  Then into a local bar to quench our thirst, chat to some locals & sit by a roaring fire before a birthday dinner was enjoyed.

Yes it has been a great day, we have chatted and started some planning for this next section, still needing to talk with a few more while the weather is sorting itself and I am sorting myself.  Today has been extremely enjoyable, great to be involved and around my wonderful, lovely crew.  Great to have some us time, time soon for more paddling but not today or tomorrow as there are many other things to see and do.

My smiles today:
Happy Birthday to Jason.
A day of off water fun and sights.
Food glorious food.
Dry and warm in the camper van.
Peppermint tea with lashings of honey.
NZ you are beautiful, every corner I turn there is something to make me say WOW.

My thoughts today:
I love myself.  I believe in myself.  I appreciate myself.  I'm strict at and serious about improving myself.  I will not give up on myself.  I will not disappoint myself.  I will be my best self no matter what.

Red

New tees!  Get yours here 

An example of why I should get a tripod.  To the left of this photo is the glacier.  At least we look cool in our traffic light rain jackets.

Day 173...Jackson Bay to Mussel Point

SATURDAY 16th April.

It was a paddle morning, trying to get a couple of kms done and dusted before the change in weather. I am up, dressed, brekkie eaten and on the road back to Jackson Bay.  The team had T2 down and ready for me to hit the water by 739am.  It was overcast, flat, calm and a little bit of rain.  Not enough to scare off the resident sandflies that where dive bombing Nat and Jase.  I left and they ran for Cuzzie quick smart, slamming the doors from the crazy bugs.  Off I paddled enjoying the fact I had nothing but day stuff in T2.

Well the paddling was not as pleasant as yesterday and it just got tougher as the hours ticked over.  The kms took longer and longer to achieve, hello NW wind again, hello out going tide!  Brilliantly tough and damn well yuk.  It rained and blew in my face, my paddling slowed to below what I was happy with.  That is not what my journey is about, I want to love my paddling and love my time on the water.  So after five hours that was enough, that was it, I am finished for the day.

Not a long distance done, but a few kms at least.  Mussel Point was where I came in, paddling like a frantic maniac to beat a wave set.  I nearly managed but foiled at the final moment!  The wave won the beach landing, they enjoyed a moment of colourful language and Nat was unsure wether to keep taking photos, laugh or run and help Jason who was now recovering from being underneath and flattened by waves with Red and T2 above.

I have to say I was a little grumpy with myself , more on the landing as I had it all correct till that last moment, oh well.  Back in Cuzzie to the campsite for lunch, some maintenance work on my gear and me.  Then generally catching up on emails, life and just stuff.

Late dinner was had by us all, it was brilliant, chicen, roasted salted potatoes and some honey mead we shared for a treat.  It was something I had been wanting to try since talking with all the bee keepers I have been meeting (and than Nat managed to find!)  The day has come and gone really rather quickly, once I had eaten and rested everything was great.

Probably a day I should have just regrouped and not paddled, but I did and it was something.  Life is a little weird being back with everyone, Cuzzie so big, lots of space, dry, warm and half connected to others.  Nat is looking at all of the video footage of the sounds trip with Jase and there is some fun stuff to share.  Off to bed now, we are celebrating Jase's birthday tomorrow on a tiki tour inland away from the ocean. 

My smiles today:
The blog comments from you all.
MN gave me a friendly slap today, I deserved it.
Dinner, chicken.
Peppermint tea and honey.

My thoughts today:
Wake up, kick arse, repeat.

Red

Red and Jase preparing T2 for departure from Jackson Bay

DAY 172...Reunions

Friday 15th April.

I am so happy, but best I tell you why.

The story is that as I walked along the beach last night, it was clear, bright and not windy, I had said goodbye to all the guys and Gus had said you will be going tomorrow I reckon.  He was more positive than me, the team reckon I was not going to be able to paddle.  Ahhhh this waiting game.  I heated up my water bottle, tucked myself into bed, set the alarm for the 6am weather report and curled up to sleep.

I slept really well overnight and woke just before 6am, the team sent the news that the wind was no better.  Neither thought I should paddle today to and wait another day.  I was bitterly disappointed and Jase even suggests I head out and look at the ocean.  I thought colourful thoughts and pulled the sleeping bag over my head, how was I going to survive another day!  Sleep as long as possible, I could hear no wind, hear no waves, but !

The sun rose, I stirred still not happy.  I looked at the forecast and I listened to outside, they did not match.  I then sent a message to the man I have nick named Master and got a response I smiled about, "Surf's up dude."  In other words, go paddle.  Really?  Yes really, "I have no problem with you paddling in this weather report."  That was all I needed, gear into my white bag, sandflies on mass swarm my tent and I do not care.  I pack down and am ready and heading towards the water within one hour.  It was just on 1045am when I was ready to set off.   As I got to the water John arrived to say his goodbyes, he had been out hunting and was surprised I had not left earlier.  As I swatted sandflies I said goodbye and was off, fingers crossed this paddle was going to be okay.

As I headed out I sat on the calm water sent an "I am off " message to all and placed my coffee container under the straps of my deck bag before I waved bye.  As I paddled out I climbed up and over a couple of breaking waves and that was the last I saw of my mornings brewed coffee!  Idiot thing to do, I knew way better but would I ever learn?  No coffee!

As I paddled along the SW wind pushed me along and also flattened out the swell.  It was actually going really well far, better than I had imagined, I was whizzing along!  10km it was going well.  Then another 10km, yippee.  It was way better than I could have imagined, the weather report for once had been wrong we had fixed MN.

I was excited.

Along the way a helicopter was parked on the cascade rocks.  That was a surprise beyond belief and a video was taken.  I promised to celebrate my 3000km paddle section so ticked off that job today as well.  Soon I was nearing Jackson Bay point, I was so excited as a boat whizzed up to say the chip shop closes in less than an hour and Nat has said paddle quickly.  I did and this bay was beautiful.

I am so lucky, I am so blessed and I have completed my Fiordland section!

Big hugs to Nat, 43days since we saw each other, Cuzzie as well.  So cool to be reunited, chips are amazing.  Life is bloody great today.  I can breathe, I am at the end.  T2 is loaded, we chat and we chat more as we kill sandflies.  Back to Haast campsite to cook dinner to celebrate and meet Jase.  So many hugs, so much to say.  So so damn happy!

Paddle tomorrow, then some down time!

My smiles today: 
Jacksons Bay, I made it.
LP champagne.
Presents from Auckland.
Steak, mmm yummy.
Cuzzie.

My thoughts today:
Sometimes you can actually out wit MN.  Today we did!

Red, T2, Cuzzie and the Redz NZ Team

Cuzzie waiting at Jackson Bay

Red reunited with Cuzzie and the team at Jackson Bay

DAY 171...Barn Bay Fifth Day

Thursday 14th April

It was morning before I knew it, a warm bed in the lounge of the hunting hut, a huge cast iron fire and the guys laughing and telling stories till nearly sunrise.  I slept maybe an hour and then got up and wandered to the beach and stood.  I smiled as it was the pre dawn calm and the dolphins were in the bay, it is always special when I see these beautiful creatures.

Soon I head back to the hut for a hot drink, to read a book and wait for the guys to stir and head out for a hunt.  A couple headed out and I then sat chatting to john about life on the coast before heading to the rocks for some paua hunting.  It started to rain, heavy tropical West Coast rain.  We were successful today so I headed back to my tent.  As the sun tried to break through the clouds the sandflies arrived.  Gus and John headed off on the quad bike, leaving me to the masses of bugs and time today to air my tent.  Dinner was at their place again tonight.

I spent a quiet afternoon in my tent away from the insane bugs, resting and trying to rationalise the jinx on my weather for tomorrow.  It was getting less chance of me paddling and I was impatient now. I slept for a while, I washed some clothes, I killed many sandflies and I tried not to think.

Time passed quickly and soon I was heading along the beach for dinner and some light hearted banter with the guys.  Dinner was again amazing, paua fritters, divine.  Everyone was a little tired from yesterdays activities.  My weather update was not making me happy, so reevaluate that 6am start!  Bloody heck, bugger, shit, what the heck and way more that are not fit to print.  I just want to sleep then paddle!  

Back in my tent now, it was a lovely beach walk in the dark.  Another day over and out.

My smiles today:
The hector dolphins.
Success on paua hunting.
The Barn Bay hunters.
My need to paddle!

My thoughts today:
People should not get to the end of their lives and wish they had spent less time on a work treadmill.  Step off.  It feels good.

Red

The rocks at Barn Bay

DAY 170...Surprises in the Flax

Wednesday 13th April.

Last night it was predicted to be cold so I had my hottie reheated before I went to sleep, the hood of me sleeping bag cocoon around my head.  I slept and slept till the sunshine rose above the hills, I think it was nearly 0 degrees over night, but despite a cold nose I was fine.  I got up and went for my morning wander scrubbing my teeth as I ambled down this beach, the wind was cold but it was a bright blue sky and I felt good bout today.  Who knows why as yesterday for awhile I lost my mojo for a few hours, yep, it happens.  As the tide recessed the ocean still did not put any food items on the beach today and I was not going hunting, I was having a days break and would eat some of my food stores out of T2.  I had been assured that Friday was still looking good to paddle.  I was a little concerned it would change and then I would not have rationed my food for a ten day period, and start to starve!

As I walked along the beach I spotted a hunter on the banks higher up!  I think he was as shocked as me, I wander up and we exchange hellos.  "Where here have u come from?!"  Then it clicked, George had seen me back before Bluff, paddling past him on a beach on Waitangi Day!  He had thought it strange then but then had seen a local news article, but to see me again was quite a surprise!  We laughed, chatted and he said the rest would not believe he had seen a crazy kayaking women on the beach, no stags, just me.

Then along comes another of the group Ian (George tells me they call him Father Christmas).  Ian was the kitchen slave, I learnt more about them all later.  Once he got over the shock of seeing me, we wandered back my way chatting and I showed them T2, my campsite and with a dinner invite extended they wandered back to their hut, I am sure with a story or two.

I was determined to sit outside all of today, there was sunshine and wind to keep the sandflies away.  I had a new fire pit location sorted and my day has been brilliant.  I was protected from most of the wind, my back mostly still turned from the ocean, my solar panel cranking and the fire working well.  I cooked brekkie, a pot of coffee, licked my honey container, it has nearly run out and then set about flax plaiting!  My old hairdressing skills are back I can now plait six or more strands of flax, it is not perfect, but oh my goodness it has been therapeutic to just be doing something creative with my hands.  It turns out that the Maori families used to camp in this location as well, maybe it is why I have been drawn to weaving the last couple of days.  Another 'it happens for a reason' moment I think.

Paddling still is looking good for Friday, my sights are set on Jacksons Bay and maybe a little further, not too far as I have made a promise to myself to stop there many weeks ago.  It is easier with me if I don't keep moving my goal posts, I know it is only me promising me, but it is a brain game this paddle and this brain of mine needs treats sometimes.  Set a goal, achieve, congratulate then aim further on to the next goal.  If you are confused maybe ask me in person one day, I will try and explain.

Nat messaged to say she has been hiking up half a mountain, got that natural mountain goat in her.  A few other msgs come in, one from a lovely man I know sharing some of his really special  and personal experiences with depression, it made me feel a real purpose and I can not wait to catch up for a chance to laugh with him at my journey.  An Auckland mentor (I kindly call master!) has approved of my next few days planning and has just said please stay focused right till the end of this section, you are not there just yet,  such wise words.  FOCUSED master, FOCUSED!

Off down the beach to dinner, it is windy as, the  boulders all around my fly sheets, tent tied down.  My hottie is heated and in my sleeping bag, my crafts are tucked away for the day. 

The boys; Gus, George, Ian, Chris and John.  The stories, the food, whitebait, pork, roast vegetables, the insane banter, the laughter, the warmest welcome to your slice of untouched paradise, what a secret and special location, what a story.  This night has been an all time classic and I will surely return to share more hilarious nights.  I hope everyone has taken their anti hangover medicine!  You have got the best spot in NZ.  It is one of my truly memorable times.

My smiles today: 
Meeting more new totally amazing people on a very wind blown beach.
Flax weaving, it is cool.
A roaring fire all day, totally happiness.
A saucepan of coffee, dregs and all drunk!
Another day nearly over, another day closer to paddling.
Gus, George, Chris, Ian, John.
A roast pork dinner with the laughter into the wee hours of the morning.

My thoughts:
SUCCESS breeds SUCCESS.  Thanks Gus.

Red and George

DAY 169...And It Blew

Tuesday 12th April

It rained, it blew and the sea was extremely deafening until bout 3.30am!  I was sure at times my fly sheet was being blown away and I would stick my head outside to check on how secure it all was.  It was okay, each side did have big bits of driftwood on the pegs and along the sides but I still was in doubt.  I was also a little worried my tent pole repair with the gaffa tape would fail and I would be just lying with a flat tent on top of me!  I munched on chocolate in the dark and thought bout the noise, the what if's and what would I do.  I was dry and warm just waiting for the storm to pass so I could sleep a little more settled.  It was now a full on SW wind I could feel the change in temp so I pulled my hood up and around my face.   This blocked out the sea and wind noise a little too.

Sunrise and quiet did arrive, so I escaped for a morning brisk walk along the beach, the steep banks of small baby stones where all beautifully smooth from the out going tide and all that marked the beach was my trail of footprints.  The wind was still cold and I did attempt to climb over the rocks at this low tide, always forever hopeful of finding my next meal.  I even chatted to the oyster catcher birds, but they were telling me nothing.

No sandflies is great but it also means a crap weather day.  I brew my coffee and I manage to knock the pot over!  I waste not a gram of the ground coffee as I scrape it back into the pot to boil.  I then make up my sweet flour cinnamon breakie, it has a couple of changes as my option for ingredients diminish, but still warm in my tummy and filling.  Today to some this would look a little like sticky porridge. The wind has picked up once again, it seems to want to foil my attempt at charging anything for the moment as large rain droplets fall.  My fly sheet attempts to break free and fly like a kite, so I wrap every loose section around my Macpac tent and secure it down, then I have to lie on my tummy and slither under a small gap to gain access to inside.  I wait till the storm has passed then reappear to the day, what an entertainment video this would make, but no it is not captured on camera!  Sometimes you all will need to use your imagination.

Third day on this beach, for some reason both Nat & I always said if Stewart Island was a quick is trip then we reckoned MN would make me pay for this by hammering home her message on the Fiordland section and she surely has.  I dare not even look forward to Friday, as that weather could change and I could be sitting for longer!  Today I turned by back to the ocean, I had listened all night and been blown and tormented enough.  I zipped up this end of my tent, weighted it down with huge rocks and unzipped the calm side looking into the flax.  Calm and sunshine was not the most riveting view, but to get away from the blowing wind was an instant mind calmer for me.

I then set about plaiting things from the flax, nothing to exotic but it replaced my knitting and kept me busy.  I know an amazing creative lady back in Auckland, Royda you and I must catchup on my return I need lessons.  I ate and drank, dried my clothes by hanging them in the sun and wind off the dry flax flower heads.  Everything is blowing in this insane wind, I have dry paddling clothes now that is a bonus.  The wind has chased all the sandflies away today now that is another bonus, solar panel is working its magic as well.

Nothing now to complain about, I could be stuck in a traffic jam, I could be answering crazy last minute email requests, I could be complaining I never get enough time to myself, ha!  I am enjoying my day.  I have been told it is going to get cold tonight so will light a fire soon so I can have hot water for my hottie tonight, once dinner is cooked and the night arrives I can tick off another successful day and I will be one day closer to paddling.

My smiles today: 
Plaiting and weaving flax bracelets.
Turning my back on the ocean.
My early morning beach walk with the oyster catchers.
The sunshine, now that makes us all smile.
The crazy ocean today, I am truly pleased not to be paddling today.

My thoughts today:
Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength.  None of us are that strong everyday of our lives.  Live for today.

Red

Clothes drying in the wind

DAY 168...Barn Beach Second Day

Monday 11th April

I had been warned that there was rain on the way over night and that I was due for heavy rain all day today, so when I woke and heard a break in the rain on my tent I headed for a walk on the beach knowing it was probably my last chance for most of the day.  Not many sandflies now that is a bad sign.  The skies where dark and it was trying to rain on me as I walked the entire length of this gnarly, steep beach to the river mouth.  Along the way low tide had placed a couple of snacks on the beach that I beat the birds too, yes a couple of paua on the beach.  They had been smashed off the rocks and washed ashore.  

I got the river mouth and there was no way of crossing this half flooded water and the rain had not even been that heavy yet.  I headed back along the wide track, past a large hunters hut or someone's off the beaten track house, no sign of life, but there had been people there recently as still foot prints on the beach next to the large fire pit they have created.  Back to the tent I headed as the rain was heading towards me and it was going to be intense and I did not want to get wet and cold to sit in a tent all day.  My setup outside my tent made it sheltered enough to cook brekkie, make hot drinks and stay dry.  

An indoor day, what to do?  Eat, some tent tidying, and then... A sleep, a holy heck please et this tent survive all of this rain.  I answer messages for a little while and then I am trapped from 9am till 4.30pm when it stopped raining!  No joke when I did emerge and look out at the bay, half was blue ocean and the other half was flooded brown river water!  Insane and wild ocean as the sea was retreating for yet another low tide.  Quickly I went to stretch my legs then cooked my paua with pancetta, a classic Redz hot stew with potatoes, dehydrated vegetables, tomato paste, herbs, salt and olive oil.  I have to say my one pot wonders just get better, I have these crazy but cool natural beetroot, kale and broccoli powders which seem to make the mixtures taste just like yummy thick soups.  Being warm and hot is the biggest bonus, no fire today as everything is too wet to even bother.  

It was soon night fall and I had to return to my tent.  I ate my ration of dark chocolate and ginger, it is dark, another day done and dusted.  I can not wait to be curled up tonight in bed.   My sad moment today was when Nat messaged to say her great idea to hike out to me was not going to happen as there was no way for her to cross the river, which is totally true, there would be nothing worse than for Nat to get washed away in a flooded river.

Hopefully we can all see each other soon, the next weather window is in a few days.  We have been patient this far so a couple more days is okay.  As I said a few blogs ago, I knew this was going to happen and I keep saying to myself on my most recent paddle day what is five more hours of pain today to paddle or do you want to wait five more days on the beach!  I just could not crack the final five hours with some of the time in the dark, not smart or clever on this section of the coast.  So five days I may have to wait on this beach.  Rain is falling again, I am off to curl up and try to sleep.

My smiles today:
I saw Dolphins this morning.
I was given paua for dinner from the sea.
I was able to hide from the pesky bugs all day.
I was able to focus on today and enjoy my own company.
I still have coffee, honey and food supplies.
I have a tent and flysheet that have kept me dry and warm.
I am smiling already about seeing Nat on the beach.

My thoughts today: 
EAT SLEEP PADDLE REPEAT!  Thanks Star Kayaks, luv it.

So to you all, good night from me 

PS. The small baby stones on this beach are pretty special, it is a reminder of once they were massive boulders worn down by the ocean over trillions of years, flat and perfect but oh so tiny.

View out to Barn Islands

DAY 167...Barn Beach First Day

Sunday 10th April

At 7.30am I was up and out, it was low tide and I was keen to go food foraging.  There were lots of rocks to clamber on and you know what I found?  Nothing.  Better luck tomorrow.  How strange it seemed but maybe I was still a little blurry eyed from my restless sleep.  I know one thing, I seem keen to test how well I bounce when I slip over on the rocks.  Again down I went with a thump, as nimble as dumbo the elephant.  The tide was way out and I ambled about for a couple of hours until I was driven back to my tent by the sandflies.  Honestly, today they have been insane, my entire tent door, my flysheet, me, my kayak gear, my hair when washing it in a stream, INSANE, INTENSE BUGS.  I said there were hardly any yesterday, well they must have been off gathering their mates to come back with today.  They were out in horrendous numbers and a massive cloud followed me about wherever I went.  They do not like me as much when I spray myself from top to toe in repellant but they still hover around hoping to locate an untainted spot and they always do.

I treat myself and chat to a few by messages back and forth while I eat my brekkie inside the tent, washed down with my morning pot of sweet coffee.  Then I go for a long beach walk along a track of stones, over massive piles of driftwood and listen to the big waves smash into the shore.  A lot of deer hoof prints by a small marsh lagoon and I see a couple of black swans!  Also the normal black oyster catchers and a cute little lizard.

I convinced myself to give my kayak gear a wash in the fresh water and I have left them to dry on T2, I lit a fire and stood in the smoke to hide from the sandflies.  I look at the wave sets planning my escape and dreamed of a massive pile of crispy fried potatoes with heaps of salt.  Strange the things I am wanting to eat, a huge steak would be nice as well.  I spent time just lying in the tent listening to what sounds like raining the roof, but no it is just the resident bugs trying to get inside to join me.

Feeling low tonight I head in another direction and smile.  I  think of my dad who used to clamber over rocks all the time going to his favourite secret fishing spot!  He made us spend hours with him, but it has been beneficial of recent times.  Alas still nothing off the rocks to eat, no stress I have plenty in my supplies, I just like this foraging game.  Back to tend my fire, I spend the last of the daylight getting all of the dreadlocks out of my hair.  Cooking up dinner, boiling water and just looking out to sea.  Actually it is now a little tough being only 35km away from Cuzzie and the team.  That is a little mind fry for the red head.  As someone would say to me, "Settle petal."  Okay, yes, I will.

And the last thing to stop working, my pen to write my blog!  No more ink!  Now I will make notes into my phone.

My smiles today:
The fact that them damn bugs love clean washed hair!
My Inreach unit and Maprogress.  Thanks Shane. 
Insect repellant, it is a must have.
Potatoes fried and mashed with oil.
Washing with your clothes on, now that is a story!
Nat talking bout hiking in to see me.

My thoughts today:
I want to be around honest, open, liked minded people.  People who grab life each day and enjoy it as if it is their last. Who say what they think, who are upfront, who can look you in the face and tell you the truth, tell you what they like and dislike.  We should treat all the way we want to be treated.  Too little time is left in our lives to waste precious time with those who are sadly afraid of direct honesty.

Red

All my sandfly friends have come to visit

DAY 166...Anita Bay to Barns Island

Saturday 9th April

This morning started started early, at 4.15am I pushed off onto the water from Anita Bay.  I had my options of where to pull in but I did not want to opt out early today.  It was calm and the entrance to Milford Sound was okay to navigate in the dark.  I had sat and stared at it for the last three days and decided I could manage this with not too much stress.  It seems weird to many I am sure, but when it is dark and calm I zone out, just listen to the waves and paddle.  Time goes quickly and soon I have notched up 20 kms and the sun is just about to rise, cool I think, all is going well.

It rained on me from 8am-10am, from Martins to past Big Bay was the worst section, outgoing tide against blustery winds, all rather mental and not like paddling in the Sounds, I was back in the open ocean.  I did start talking to myself at times and complaining that I was disliking Big Bay intensely.  It was never ending, wet waves washing on to me and just generally unpleasant, oh and it was taking forever to clock over the kms.  Ah well it has to happen , just to make me work for this distance.  I was pleased when I Was away from Big Bay.  I stopped after 40km for food, a rest and to message the team.  Then it was ten km breakdowns for the next 30km before the final push on to Barn Beach, being mindful to find a nice soft landing.  I did, it was a pleasant and easy setp out of T2 onto the beach.

When we stopped I got out and started to drag T2 up the beach, it was low tide at the moment and a really high tide due tonight.  Yes, I will be checking on T2 before then.  I found a location to pitch my tent, hopefully safely behind flax to protect me from wind and out of harms way if it rains.  As I was bending the tent poles one snapped, thank goodness for gaffa tape, I bound and mended it, the tent is erected.  I then grabbed all my gear and staggered up the steep stone banks and along to my tent.  Tired and hungry, it took about fifteen minutes to heave T2 high and dry.  As I finished I sat and looked at the sunset and said thank you for this epic paddle today, I have to admit I had my eyes set on maybe being able to Push to Jacksons Bay but I missed my cutoff times to this bay so I had to stop and end my day here.

Wrapped up warm and cosy in my tent, tonight I am now tired.  I cannot seem to cram anymore food into me tonight, I am still hungry but I will feed myself well tomorrow.  Of course MN is not letting me paddle tomorrow, don't be ridiculous!  Why would she.  I have a huge beach to explore, bush and marshlands, exciting for sure.  A big high five to myself today, 75 km, pretty stoked and not as many sandflies, well let's see if they arrive tomorrow.

Sunset was amazing tonight, just to finish my amazing day.  I hoped to see dolphins today but alas not one, but I did see a little phosphorescence in the water at the start of my paddle.  My hands tonight are tender from the days work, so sleep and rest needed.

My smiles today:
The sounds have all been passed.
To an epic paddling day.
To my wonderful friends who message me.
To fried kumera, yumbo!
To talking to the weather gods, maybe I am insane, maybe not.

My thoughts today:
Sometimes we just need someone to simply be there, not to fix or do anything in articular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported and they are proud.

Goodnight from Red T2 and my tent

PS.  At 11.45 pm I woke, one hour before high tide.  I had snoozed off for a couple of hours.  I got up and even though I knew I had pulled and struggled and used the last of my energy to get T2 high and dry I wandered to check on her.  The sky was a brilliant array of stars so I stood with my torch off and stared up at the sky.  No way of taking a picture of this, no way to describe fully this moment.  It for a moment reminded me of a bedroom I have at home in my little blue villa, the ceiling is awash with glowing stars which I will never remove, I have always found them pretty, but now the memory will mean so much more.  

I climbed back into bed, pleased to pull the sleeping bag hood over my head, it was a little chilly at his hour.  Before returning to sleep I quickly ate more food as I was having another Nigella moment.  Then I said goodnight to a few people by message and fell back to sleep.

Red

PPS.  On another note after a big days paddling I seem to find it hard to sleep with out waking often.  Normally I take a few magnesium capsules to help but since Milford Sound my supply is gone, so on this night I wake often during the next few hours.  I just lie and listen then drop back to sleep.  A part of me wished this section was over, another part of me was telling myself for off for not pushing a bit further on one or two days, then I would be at Jackson Bay by now and tucked up in Cuzzie.  That is the part of me that I do not even dare to try and understand.

Red

How's my hair?

DAY 165...Anita Bay

Friday 8th April

Sleep away today, maybe it could be the answer.  Well that was my thought pattern last night as I lay down.  The water feature underneath my tent did not return and I happily could feel the stone paving floor underneath me last night as I lightly slept.  At 6am I woke, no rain had fallen and the sounds of rocks and the waves had gone, it was now just a soft ocean lapping the shore.  The storm had passed.  No point getting up yet as it is still pitch black outside. I  doze, I think I shift from side to side giving relief to my hipbones from the hard ground and trying to enjoy my cocoon of warmth I was in.  

By 8am I was up, sitting on the beach, looking at the fishing boats heading into Milford and sending nagging, incessant messages to Nat and Jase to say where is the wind?  Don't et me wrong, it was the patient and accepting side of Red just needing assurance.  Seriously, I am waiting for them all to say go jump off a cliff you crazy lady!  They respond to all of my questions which I keep sending till I am calm.  I just sit and enjoy the cool breeze, the sunshine and then the wind.  I am in a bay you insane, irrational idiot, even the fishing boats are finding the waves and swell challenging as they near and disappear between each wave and swell set.

Okay lecture given to myself, breakfast, sweet hot coffee and enjoy the lack of pesky bugs, enjoy a day of sitting in the sun recharging myself and my electronics.  I stroll, my bare feet smothered in greasy insect repellant and I watched the odd sandfly drown in it.  I empty out the rain water from T2's cockpit and open the hatches so everything can air, especially my stash of potatoes.  I surely must not waste even one, they are my favourite food on this trip, I don't care how heavy they are.  Milford Sound has today turned on a most beautiful day for me, not a cloud in the sky, glistening water, now rippling with the wind that is funnelling over the cliffs from the South.  A couple of smaller boats are nestled in the nooks and are fishing and diving on the outside of the marine reserve.  I am nearly tempted to go for a wee paddle but it never quite happens.  I am just enjoying not being damp and for T2 to air and my things to dry fully.

I am still sitting in the sun, there is nothing more pleasant and calming for me now and I can see the swell and white caps at the entrance to the Sound.  It is a no go for me and it helps me relax.  Mrs. Weka and the other birds I have not seen for a few days, she must have got bored with me and my beconite treasures as no more have been stolen.  Planes, helicopters, tourist cruise ships and ferries pass by on their Milford Sound loop.  I am sure the ferries come closer to my spot on Anita Bay, telling a new story of this crazy lady waiting on the beach to paddle further North, but I am unsure if this is actually true, I couple toot and I wave back.

Anita Bay is beautiful.  I have been blessed to have stopped here and seen the rain and the sunshine that Milford Sound has to offer.  What will my memories be?  The water bed under my tent, and my Friday of sunshine.

I think everyone is going to be asking me the same question once this epic section is over, "How do you cope being on your own?"  To be honest, If I was in need of humans and others company every day then this would not be a pleasant time, but I like my silent, solo times and Fiordland has provided me with many.  It seems just when I needed to talk or share or get something an amazing character, far more than I would have imagined, comes along.  Most nights I have spent solo but memories have kept me smiling and been my company on this leg.  Again I send my thanks to all.

To everyone who has donated to me and this cause either with encouragement by message, comments on my blog, or by donations to the team and charity, big hugs and thanks from Red.

The last night of a fire at Anita bay, my last wander along the beach, the last chance for the sandflies to have a munch and my last chance to eat the amazing mussels off these rocks. Thanks Anita Bay, Milford Sound, an incredible, unforgettable three days.

My smiles today:
Sunshine all day, beautiful.
Mussels, I never tire of them.
My bed and my warm cocoon.
My life at the moment.

My thoughts today:
A quote sent through from Nat "Enlightenment isn't found with a full stomach or on a soft pillow" Conrad Anker

Red

Last night at Anita Bay

DAY 164...Rain Rain

Thursday 7th April

I was told last night and also the previous day I had unpleasant weather heading my way, heaps of rain and ugly winds.  Really?  What a pleasant change I thought, I had seen no rain since Sunday, three whole days of dryness was a long time in this part of NN.  In bed I lay, I slept on and off till the sound of the really high tide, waves hitting the stone beach and the rain drops had stopped.  Out I clambered in the dampness and checked out the state of my overnight fire pit, its location which someone else had created meant it was still warm so I got it going again while there was a break in the wether.  For some strange reason this fire building success also is a positive thing for me and I make a saucepan full of coffee, cook a pot of popcorn, well badly burnt a lot of the popcorn, but it was all eaten.

As I sit by my fire under the shelter of the big trees I start about answering a couple of messages send.  Nat is after a lost of things I would like for my arrival at Jacksons Bay.  Ha, that is a hard thing to imagine right now.  There are a couple of strange items on the list, one is honey mead, it seems I have met far too many people who are associated with bees and hives on this section of my trip and they have got me wanting to taste some local honey mead.  I have spent the last five hours outside under the trees, in the fresh air by my warm fire, staring at the crazy ocean and the white caps, sitting on a log swing someone has erected on a visit to Anita Bay.  Thinking and looking forward to my next section, and also asking myself how I feel about being solo in a little tent and just waiting?

Actually I still have no set answer to it, maybe the best thing is to say it is sheer and unashamedly pig headedness, nothing better or more descriptive.  Enjoy the moment and just embrace what MN throws me, and I apologise to you all for not having anything more deep and meaningful to say about this 'Red' mindset.  The pig headedness of a Paterson is how I described to my brother my mental attitude of this last month in Fiordland, nothing more and nothing deeper.  Pig headedness,

I have now been chased by the heavy rain into my tent and I munch on some beef jerky.  I have to say that Marnix's venison jerky he makes is much better, but I have scoffed all that already.  The rain is not scheduled to stop until late tonight so I will be waiting it out now, hoping my fire will last long enough so I can heat some water.  I was prepared last night and my dinner is all cooked, just needing to be reheated, now that is totally brilliant.

Milford Sound is the last of the Sounds I now head past beaches for a while and yes Jackson Bay is a milestone for me, then it is onwards to Golden bay.  What this section has been like for me, I tried to dare to put this into words, the past 30 plus days are etched forever in my mind, it is again scenery that is so breathtaking, wow it is every single person I have met along the way, you have all left a memory and smile on my face, you have been INCREDIBLE and have truly taught me how life should be.  I have taken with me:
Cities make people toxic
Everyone should ask "Do you need anything?"
The generosity of everyone, I can honestly say no one has been negative.
The abundance of fresh food to forage for.
The boating community, the hunters, the fishing community.  You will always make me smile.
If in doubt, stay out of the water.  From the fishermen.

I have sat and written my blog in my tent, it now rains incredibly heavily and I have just noticed that underneath my tent floor now feels like a water bed!  The stone floor of the building is pooling water!  With me sitting in that pool I was blocking the flow of water.  Everything in its dry bags and me are now piled down one end of an already very small tent.  The water bed end is now free to drain from underneath me, two pots of water have been collected in less than two hours and I still have 3-4 hours of rainfall predicted.  This could be fun!  The positives, my flysheet still working a treat, no rain from above, just a water feature beneath me.  Never a dull boring moment for sure.  Mental note camp on sand!  Not uneven rock floor with no drainage you idiot.  it is going to be a keeping upright night.  The base of my tent survived with no leaks, phew.  I slept till the rain stopped then messaged a couple of people while seated in the tent but could not get them to send unless I wandered up and down the beach in the rain.  That was not going to last or make me happy so I shut off from the world for the night.  My last message of the night also made me frown, Saturday is going to be a short paddle.  My thoughts on that, well best described as colourful!  Holy crap give me strength!  Frustrated, yes totally, and I am asked, what I think my paddle plan is!  Ah Gap It!  Paddle alright, or maybe scream.

Sleep is needed, batteries and me need to recharge.

My smiles today:
The rain, it kept the sandflies away.
My tent again keeping me dry.
The insane noise the waves are making smashing into the rocks and stones of this beach.
Paddle planning, a colourful smile and words to match.
Mother Nature, I think you win today.  Rain, wind, waves no sunshine.
My yummy second days dinner.
Sitting in a swing made of a log and odd bits of rope.

My thoughts today:
When were always waiting for whats next, we miss what is now.

Red

Rope swing and fire at Anita Bay

DAY 163...Anita Bay, Stand Down

Wednesday 6th April

My alarm went off and it is dark, a little rain but I can't feel any wind as I am camped inside the remains of this little stone cottage.  I put on my head torch and go out to the beach not feeling bad but, as always since the beginning of Fiordland, who knows what the massive mountain peeks are protecting you from.  I sort of slowly pack my gear down as last nights forecast was a 90% no, I was just hoping it might drop more, even a little less swell, but nothing was improving the further the north I went and it was a marginal 20km day to an unknown beach, or stay put and wait a couple more days to do a bigger push north?  

Everything was ready to go except I waited for a weather report before packing down my tent.  This morning it was taking 10-15 minutes to get messages sent and about as long to get anything in reply.  A little frustrated as I wandered in the dark along the stoney beach, holding the InReach up to the sky, at last a message but the weather was no better.  I frowned, I started to look out so sea, I started to overthink things and then for the next two hours until day light I fired messages to Nat, Jase and anyone who was listening, really trying to rationalise not paddling.  I hate marginal days, give me a massive blowing gale and I am good, but I stuck myself at the mouth of the Sound and looked out, being tormented by an ominous dark ocean out the tip and I had to deal with it, and it was not pleasing me.

I went wandering for pretty stones and seemed to locate some, this time I put them safely in a container so Mrs. Weka could not steal them.  I then made coffee, sat and watched the tourist boats come past Anita Bay and then turn back into the Sound.  There is so much more to Milford Sound and they all miss it.  Spectacular cliffs, peaks and glaciers, each location has been special and the hum of all the boats is not a positive thing for me and the Fiordland Experience.

I went to climb a small stream running out of the bush line, up, up, up I clambered until I got to this pretty waterfall, it was serene, beautiful and there seemed not to be a sandfly in sight.  As I clambered back to the beach I collected firewood on the way.  I decided maybe a cold dip in one of the big rock pools would help my mood.  After a few hours of being on the beach off I wandered with soap and shampoo.  This was meant to be enjoyable, ha, it was horrid.  As I got down to my crop top and gym shorts the sandflies attacked on mass, biting all the bare parts of my body.  I just immersed myself in the freezing cold pool of water, up to my neck, drowning all that had started biting me.  The remaining sandflies were now attacking my clean face, it was insane!  As I washed my hair they latched onto my bare arms and hands.  Then I had to get out and dressed, puling tops and leggings over my wet underwear, being bitten as never before.  That was totally hideous, i was clean and refreshed but dripping wet under dry clothes, there was no way I was uncovering any more skin, my wet clothes would stay on me and dry with my body heat.

The funny insane thing about this entire event is that normally you get such a shock to immerse yourself into a freezing cold stream of water but today it was so pleasant to stop the crazy bugs from biting me!  That is a mad story and even more insane if people could have seen me.

Today as low tide arrived I wandered back and forth looking for pretty rocks, I found a few and I am still hoping to find a really large one, Samuel Crow you have enthused me.  Once low tide had arrived I went back to grab some more mussels for dinner and I treated myself.  I have had since the start of this section some vacuum packed prosciutto so with my stores of dried food I fried onion and prosciutto till crispy and golden then stirred in my fire cooked mussels.  During the afternoon had fire baked some kumera so I poured the mussel prosciutto onion mixture over the kumera and baked it a bit more till crispy from all the oil then sat in my sent away from the insane bigs and enjoyed every mouthful.  The mussels reminded me of my time spent in Oban, Stewart Island and the best news is I have plenty for diner tomorrow night.

Dinner done, fire stoked, hottie heated it is time to tuck myself down for the night.  Rainfall is now heavy, intense showers and then it stops, but that is okay as I have a happy, full tummy and am in a dry, warm tent.  What more could I ask for?  well, to be in Cuzzie on the East Coast nearly home!  Mr. Morepork is calling, it is nealry time to clean my teeth and snuggle down for the night.  It also seems, maybe I can hear kiwi?   But I am not sure.

My smiles today:
The crazy water hole experience, oh what a story, what a memory.
My mussel and prosciutto dinner.
My hot water bottle, it rocks.
The tourist boats going aorund in circles.
Whittakers chocolate for dessert.

My thoughts today:
The trick is to enjoy lfe.  Don't wish away your days waiting for better ones.

Red

Red's tent in the stone cottage

DAY 162...Bligh to Anita Bay

Tuesday 5th April

Last night before I went to sleep I said a huge thanks to my close team, actually the biggest thank you was for their continued faith in me and my dream, their unfailing belief.  I had dared to think I may have seen them by now, but alas I am not near Jacksons just yet, but getting closer, each paddle stroke.

I am hoping my equipment issues have all been sorted and now, I am hoping for some more settled autumn weather.  As a close friend said, "It is going to be tougher than you ever imagined and it will hit hardest in the last half."  Oh well, head down, enjoy your paddling, your camping and every day of this incredible journey.  I re read my reply email from my letter of resignation and I try hard not to read between the lines of the response, but I still do.  Now that door has shut I wait for a new opportunity to open 

The best news in this email is that your incredible journey has exceeded your expectations.  I haven’t told anyone here just yet about your resignation while it sinks in.  V3 will continue to pay the monthly allowance until the six month date as agreed, which is about three more weeks.  After the six month point I can send you a statement of RedNZ account but you don’t need to deal with it just yet.  Once you’ve completed the journey we can have a catch up to discuss the repayment plan.  For now, just enjoy the amazing experience.

Throughout the entire night the stags roared, at least three or four different animals and at one stage they were really close.  At 4.30am my alarm was due to go off and still the stags roared, though one seemed to be losing his loudness.  My alarm went off and I started to move and pack my gear into the correct dry bags and get packed down inside my tent.  Then I relit the fire and started to pack down my tent and gradually carry my gear toward T2 and the steep bank she was on.  Gradually my head lamp started to dim, and I had to stop and find new batteries.  As I was just about to launch the sandflies came to say goodbye so quickly I jumped into T2 and pushed off with some still clinging to my hands, desperate to come along for the ride, crazy, crazy bugs.

I paddled out towards the entrance of the Sound, it was calm and the wind was was not sure where it was coming rom.  I said goodbye to Bligh Sound, this is always a little unpleasant as the tide was racing into the sound and the wind was racing out, for the next few kms it was unpleasant, not nasty, just unpleasant.  As we got gong into a paddle rhythm it was actually pleasant on the water, I was soon 21km done and I stopped for food and a 15 min break.  I thought about maybe going further today but decided just wait till you get to Anita Bay.  Poison Bay was passed and ticked of my mental list, Retreat Beach had a dumping swell on it so I took note, these beaches up along the coastline North would be the same.

As I got to Milford Sound entrance I made the decision to head into and stop at Anita Bay.  Forty kilometers is enough for today and I am okay with it.  Nat messaged to ask if I was okay and just stopping for lunch!  I replied and told her that this was me finished for the day, yes a short day.  Once unloaded I set up my tent inside the remaining walls of an old stone cottage, then I was ready to wander the beach looking for pretty rocks.  I did find a few nice small pieces and then collected some mussels to add to my dinner.

Back at the cottage I lit the big fire, sat in the swing in the tree and swatted sandflies.  By 5.30pm I clambered into my tent with my dinner to get some time away from the pesky bugs.  The weather report was in, but it was not brilliant, I am unsure if I try and nail a small 20km section or sit and wait another four days.  Let's see in the morning what the weather decides.  It is about two big days till Jackson bay, or three smaller ones.  Then I will be reunited with the support team and officially out of Fiordland.  At the moment I have just realised my best polished stone has been stolen by a pesky weka!  LOL, now that is one crazy bird.  It will have it out it in it's nest of stolen items for sure.  Ah what else did I lose today, my Sharkskin beanie became lost to the sea today, it just fell off my deck bag, I did not even notice it happen, it had just gone when I looked up, bugger, it was a great head warming garment.

Fire warm, hottie full and a final check on T2 as high tide arrives and sleep is needed.  No stags roaring tonight, yay for that, I actually would have shot them last night if i had a gun!  Nat is back in the South Island waiting for me to complete this section, over thirty days and still counting, it has been a long time.  I sit and think about where, who and what I have seen on the Fiordland section and smile.  Milford is the last Sound to cross and then it is back to bays and beaches, some nice and some gnarly.  Always a challenge coming up on this West Cast.  Fiordland has looked after me so far, shown me beauty, her soft and tough side, how majestic and totally amazing this place is, nothing has compared to this place so far on my journey.  The scenery, the people, the birds and bountiful food available.

So bed is calling, and I am unsure of what tomorrow is going to hand me, but I do know that this section of my journey has has an incredible emotional effect on me and it will be a section I can say has altered my mindset, my thoughts and some of my feelings towards life.  Each Sound has had a different feeling to it, some a happy smile, some deep reflection, some very spiritual moments and yes for sure this place I will return to an show others these incredible Sounds.

My smiles today:

Actually paddling into Milford Sound with T2.
The stone cottage I am camped in.
Weka stealing my best polished stone.
My mussels and crayfish for dinner.
Dry, warm and physically tired, Nice.
No roaring stags!
I am nearly there!  Nearly!

My thoughts today:
I love this saying...
The same boiling water that softens a potato hardens an egg.  It's about what you're made of not the circumstances.

Goodnight from Red and T2, we had a good day today, united again.

Poison Bay

DAY 161...Ups and downs. Go, No, Go, Go

Monday 4th April

Amazingly last night I had a plan in place, have I not learnt that when you plan things turn to custard.  After an amazing dinner last night of crispy roast potatoes and venison steaks, accompanied by brilliant conversation we got everything ready for the morning and hit the bed.

In the morning coffee, up early, pancakes, crispy cornflour shredded coconut spices and lashes of honey.  Myself and Marnix headed into the helicopter terminal to get a flight booked and back to Honey.  They were getting ready to depart as well because the weather window for them was looking good.  On the way back to Honey we were offered the option of heading back to Bligh by  a small craft, wow, yep lets give that a crack, save money.  Small boat let's go.  We grabbed a lift to the mouth of Milford Sound, Anita Bay.  The Crowe family said their goodbyes.  We ventured out onto the ocean and headed south.  

Well, we did try for fifteen minutes, there was a 4m swell and a 15 knot sou-westerly wind, ah no.  Not worth the risk, we turned.  Colourful words were expressed on the way back in.  Marnix went diving for cray and kina, success, so at least we had dinner.  I was still tense and undecided.  Do I suffer and pay the full $1000 for my chopper ride, or miss my paddling day tomorrow and wait for my crayboat ride on Wednesday?  What to do?  I mesaged the support team, the response from Jase was colourful, and Nat just said its my decision.

Then, an amazing message back from Jase (personal trainer is his profession) and a long time client of his offered to pay for my chopper flight.  I firstly said thanks, but no I can't accept.  Then with more thought I humbly said, yes, thank you Joe.  With speed we set off back to the wharf and called Milford Sound Helicopters.  After having lunch of fresh kina with lemon juice, Marnix dropped me at the depot, on the way I ate some of his venison jerky he had made.

And then I was whizzing my way towards Bligh sound by air!  What an epic trip, we skimmed along and over the mountain sides and the ocean.  Really soon T2 and my tent were located, still erect, safe and sound.  I jumped out, was handed a freshly cooked cray for my diner, some more venison jerky and was soon back on my beach, alone.  It felt great, it is a pretty awesome spot.  Everythig was as I had left it, the storms, the rain and the winds had not hurt my tent or T2.  This red headed girl grylls was one happy lady!

The sun has just set, it is calm.  I have a huge fire blazing and there is a stag roaring close by.  I sit by my fire waiting now for the sandflies to go to sleep, I look up at the stars in the clear night sky.  It is a perfect night, one I am going to remember.  This place is one I want to return to, moss covered rocks, a beautiful stream, protected and clam.  Heaps of firewood, lots of crayfish and tranquil Sounds to explore.  Joe on my return you are invited, I owe you and will repay you, you would like Bligh Sound, bring your gun, there are plenty of stags about.

I am excited to paddle tomorrow and even if that changes I am excited to be back in my world.  The past four days I have been amongst new people, great people, I have experienced and learnt every waking moment from them.  Also, as I say, everything happens for a reason, just sometimes I am not sure why until later.  It is dark at 7.30pm, it is a very special night, I can just feel it.  I am smiling and happy from the inside out,

My smiles today:
Crazy undecided day, calm at last.
Crowe family, Marnix and all of the cool Milford people I have met.
Bligh Sounds, you have restored calm in me.
The beautiful ocean and land has fed me again.

My thoughts today:
In a society that profits from your self doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.

Marnix and the Crowe family

Sunset back at Bligh Sound

DAY 160...Winter is Coming

Sunday 3rd April

Daylight savings has ended and it is official, winter is coming.  I am still in Fiordland and still waiting on a weather window.  Today is worse than yesterday, overnight there were wind gusts in Milford of over 80 knots.  Even this big catamaran was turning on her mooring.  I am not really sure where the winds and rain are coming from as they just swirled and bounced of the massive towering mountains all around us.  I lay and silently prayed that T2 and my tent were all okay back up the coast,  I was a little concerned with the time I have been away from them, it seems ages.

3, 4, 5, and eventually at 6am I started wriggling.  It took forever today as the clocks had turned back one hour.  Daylight was 7am and Tim was up making coffee.  Marnix, the Crowe family and I sat and talked for a while.  SOon after breakfast I headed over to Milford Sound Helicopters to see if there was a chance to squeeze on a chopper and be dropped back in Bligh Sound in time for a Tuesday morning paddle.  It was crazy busy as the weather had just started to clear and hunters were being taken out to their balloted hunting blocks for the next period.  Gear was being flown back and forth for the Alien movie set and there was no space for me on any of the flights.  A generous offer has been made for me to get back up there tomorrow so I am deep in thought on it at present, to share the cost with Marnix back up to Bligh.

This afternoon the sun has been out, the wind is blowing again.  I am feeling the need to get away and out of Milford, this section is so close to being complete, but MN is in control of it really.  It is the patience issue again.  Today while it was raining heavily the cliffs and ranges around us became littered with waterfalls, the river was flooded and we were told this was only a small amount of rain!  How crazy this place must be once the winter is upon us, cascading water features everywhere.

Many things seemed to have happened in the past few days, as they have ticked by it is now very obvious to me I am not going to be back at my office and desk that I have held for the last eight years.  The company, V3, had for the past 6 months totally supported and helped me with my dream.  My resignation was offered and accepted.  Now who knows, but I have a job to complete which I started on the 27th of October.  Once it is done then lets see.  I am a tad sad but it felt right.  No one in a business environment can wait much longer than six months.  Good luck and respect to all at V3.

Marnix and the Crowe family has spent the afternoon tripping about.  I opted to stay aboard Honey and chill, or maybe actually ponder.  A little frustration has set in this afternoon at my continued slow progress, swirling in circles in Milford Sound.  Waiting is playing havoc with me and my focus, being warm, dry and comfy I feel distracted from my main NZ mission.  As I have said time and time again on this journey, everything happens for a reason, just today I am not sure why.

Yes it is magnificent beyond belief but frustrating is building,

My smiles today:
The majestic steep mountains covered in waterfalls.
The wonderful friendly people of Milford.
Being warm, dry and surrounded by new friends with amazing adventures.

My thoughts today:
Patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.  Mother Nature teaches us all of this and more.

Red

Water cascading off the mountains

DAY 159...Still in Milford

Saturday 2nd April

I wake, lie there and listen.  It is so quiet and for moment I am not sure where I am or what I am sleeping on.  Honey.  It again is millpond calm where we are and I begin to wonder, begin to hope.  Today my replacement Inreach will arrive and I can maybe luck in on a person heading past Bligh earlier than Wednesday.  It seems so far away, seven days since my last paddle, what a familiar pattern.

My missions today, get things recharged, get some food for Honey and the Crowe family and send a message to Nat.  The resident seal of this calm harbour goes for his early morning swim, past this catamaran, what a great life.  Warm coffee in hand and time to start my Saturday.  For a moment I wish I had T2 with me to go rolling practising in, it is so calm.

The Crowe family went over to the wharf with me, them to fill up the diesel containers for their next leg up the coast, and me to get supplies and food for us all.  To cut a very long story short Real Journeys came to my rescue and are top of my list of people to thank today.  Instead of having to head into Te Anau for food, Real Journeys gifted me from their Milford supply store whatever I could jam into two large tubs.  This has enabled me to feel as though I have said a huge thank you to all aboard Honey for their continued hospitality.  Immense thanks to Real Journeys for being so continually generous to me and my charity paddle mission.

Back we fly across the harbour, unload everything and have a huge bowl of hot soup for lunch to help warm us up as we dry off from the misty, rainy ride.  Not long after we had finished Real Journeys came over with my parcel and I was reconnected with my team.  I sent messages and went about trying to sync the unit up ready for departure.  We were all set to head to the main land to do some more washing and go for a walk along the river to marvel at the Alien film sets when a little camo dingy raced toward Honey.  A young guy, Marnix, had been out hunting for seven days and had seen our flag so had come over to say hi and chat about sailing.  He had venison, crayfish and was a joy to chat to, so we invited him back for dinner.

Tonight was a joyful full house.  The Crowe family, myself and Marnix, stories told, great food and an amazing time had sitting on the deck of Honey, all wrapped up warm and all now great friends connected by our common love of living life and our dreams.  Now it feels urgent, now I am really needing to head back to Bligh Sound ASAP.  I am really trying to rack my brain, think of contacts, for a ride back to T2 and my tent.  Late to bed, lots of thoughts.  Lots again to say thanks about.

My smiles today:
Real Journeys continued help.
A warmer wind blowing.
Being part of an amazing fulfilled day in Milford.
Marnix, a very great person to meet with incredible traveling stories.
Being surrounded by the majestic and magical Milford Sound.
My rising frustrations at a computer issue!

My thoughts today:
Happiness has nothing to do with the accumulation of unshared wealth.  It lies in the simplest of moments, for me walking down to the sea or having impromptu barbecues.

Red

Ella in training to join Red further along the coast

DAY 158...Roast Lamb Dinner and Story Time

Friday April 1st

I awoke before 5am, my crazy mind and body sometimes hate to sleep, no ability to doze.  I sit on my huge double bed, knees curled up, warm and dry in my sleeping bag, wondering about T2, my tent and belongings.  I also wonder about my crazy day yesterday and why?  So many chance meetings and my mad hitch hiking out of Bligh Sound.  This journey has restored in me my faith in human's genuine, natural, good nature.  If you live too long in a crazy city world everyone seems to step over or around people in need, we are all too busy to stop and help.  Cities seem to have taken away our souls.  We all put on our pretend faces and never stop to really listen to others.  It's more about 'What can this person do for me?' 

This morning is spent with fingers crossed for my courier parcel arriving early.  If not I will have to just smile, remember everything happens for a reason and go with the flow on this matter, nothing I can do but wait.  It seems colder in Milford today compared with a few days ago when I was further south, no sunshine just a constant pitter patter of rain that I can hear outside.

Soon the others on board Honey start to stir, Jude was up, coffee on to brew and we then were heading towards the wharf to make contact with all.  Firstly to see if there was any news on my additional parcel and secondly to help Jude carry the family's washing up to the Milford Sound Lodge to use the machines and dryers.  I touched base with Wayne to see who was heading South, to see when and who I could catch a ride with.  The Milford Sound Lodge was such a helpful place, customer service 10+, friendly 10+, everything we asked for was answered with a smile.  Ronan what an amazing person and a truly awesome place, you were a pleasure.

We sat and talked while waiting for the laundry to wash and dry, we checked the weather and we both agreed that Milford Sound, you rock, we like this magical place.  I headed back to see Wayne, mindful Amazon was due to be headed out soonish, maybe luck was on my side, my parcel had arrived and I could return to my tent and T2.  No, not going to happen, too simple, too easy.  Wishful thinking Red.

I got a few things sorted and had a weather update, yuck for me until Tuesday, and Wayne had organised for me to get a ride back down to Bligh on Wednesday morning with a cray boat, coincidently the one had encountered the other day on my way from Des to Bligh.  We then headed back to Honey for lunch and a debrief.  It is calm, tranquil and misty in Milford, it is unique, amazing and astoundingly beautiful.

There is a film crew in the area filming Alien, there are people on half day kayaking trips but there is still plenty of peace and quiet.  I can still get the feeling of solitude and peace.  I am still in awe of this place.  Another day, another day with no paddling and maybe I should be back at my tent in Bligh Sound, I really hope I am not leaving things to chance and that stuff goes missing.  A part of me said just go back and wait for the Inreach to be delivered on the next cray boat, oh what to do.

Jude and Ron Olds from MV Zora invited us over for dinner tonight to visit and chat with them.  They have made an amazing rebuild of this gorgeous old fishing boat, what a lot of craftsmanship and love that has been put into this craft.  They have many stories of travelling the ocean on their yacht for 16 years, Jude you must complete writing your book!  The stories you have would be amazing.

What an amazing day I have had, we went on adventures in the dingy on the river, I sat and  listened to Ella read us a story from her book and then Jude read a chapter of a whaling book, it has been such a special time for me.  I have felt so welcomed onboard and so included in their daily lives, they share their days with me like an old friend, it will never be forgotten.  Seriously great roast lamb for dinner, such cool kids, so envious of what they have experienced in their lives so far.  I feel privileged to be able to share in their time, stories and lifestyle.

Back on Honey after our dinner out, rain is falling steadily outside and my mind wanders back to T2 and my tent.  I look to the sky and ask for it all to be safe and okay.  It seems as though it will be seven days before I hit the water again, but maybe, jut maybe it will be earlier.  I want to go back and rejoin T2 and my tent, I want to feel connected with them again.  I miss my tiny little life and my small little world, I want to make sure my red kayak and my tent are safe, they have looked after me well on this trip.

My mind also says again and again, how can I ever say thanks enough to everyone.  You know what, I actually cant.

My smiles today:
The Milford Sounds Lodge.
Having a story book read to me as part of a family.
Sharing musical family stories with Jude (ah, musical mothers!)
Roast lamb dinner, perfect.
Chatting to Meri back in Bluff, updating her on my whereabouts.  Thanks Meri for your happy voice and your updates.
This boating community.

My thoughts today:
People should not think they know someone by just hearing a chapter from your life. They should stop, listen and read your entire book before judging or making comment.  We all have a story to tell before being judged.

Red

Paddling upriver with the Crowe family

DAY 157...Curve Ball

Thursday 31st March

I slept till just on 3am then awoke to a wind and my usual thoughts of T2, I hope she is truly above the high tide mark.  I went for a wander along the stone beach and yes, she was high and dry.  I tided down my fly sheet, climbed back into my tent, checked my InReach for messages, curled up and went back to sleep.

At about 7am I woke and lay listening to the stags roar.  The weather at this point I already know, no paddling today.  At 8am I got up proper and turned on my Inreach to send some messages and it did not turn on!  Strange!  I knew it was charged so what is wrong now?  I tried resetting the unit, I tried connecting it to another battery pack, everything I could think of and more.  Nothing!  It had stopped working.  I was now officially uncontactable from all.  What to do?

Bligh Sound is not the busiest of places and no one is in sight, there is no way of getting a message to my support team.  Many scenarios sprang to mind:
Pack up and paddle until I see a boat.  No, then my location will be incorrect.
Wait until they realise they are not getting messages.  No, they will panic and send a rescue team.
VHF and see if someone is near you!  No answer as no one in the Sound.

I pondered my situation over breakfast, I built a fire and thought okay I can see the entrance to the Sound so just wait for a boat to pass and then try them on VHF.  I did look to the sky today and ask myself if April Fools Day had come early.  No need to panic, something will happen.  I sat and drank a hot coffee, the silly sandflies today were trying to drown them selves in it.  The only thing going well today is my fire.  So much driftwood, it was incredible.

At 11am as I sat looking out at the ocean I see a boat, this will be fun trying to explain my situation via VHF.  Within moments of my call my radio crackled into life, "We are heading towards you."  Thank goodness.  I watched as they sped towards me.  I gave them a couple of numbers to try and call to contact the support team but they were unable to get hold of anyone.  We chatted and I decided to jump on board Amazon and hitch a ride to Milford Sound, where I would be able to get a new tracker sent.  I grabbed my electrical bag, toothbrush and sleeping bag and climbed on board, waving goodbye to T2 and my zipped up tent.

A new adventure!  On their satt phone I managed to call Nat, told her my tale, and she organised a replacement.  Within the hour she called back with the delivery details, thanks Nat.  As we motored along I learnt lots from everyone on board, about their hunting, fishing and lives.  Hot coffees and toasted sandwiches were had, and I kept expecting my failed unit to spring back to life as it was now plugged into mains power and I kept hoping it was just a user error.  Every time I checked still nothing, no lights, not a flicker of life.  The weather was bad so I would have been paddling no where anyway, why not meet some new people!  

As we turned into Milford Sound I saw lots of boats, it was busy but even on a wet, misty day it is spectacular and I am going to see it twice now, what a bonus.  I had a bit of plan for once I arrived, to locate the Crowe family on Honey and crash on their catamaran until my unit arrived on Saturday when I would grab a ride back out to Bligh with the Amazon crew.  Milford is not large and through the mist and rain we soon locate Honey.  No one on board so I will have to find them.  Jude heard I was looking for them and zipped over in the little blue inflatable with a big smile.  They were so welcoming and no worries about me coming to stay for a few days.  Big hugs to the boating community, you all rock.

I made contact with Will, the Real Journeys man, he helped me charge up my well used VHF, located my parcel with my new VHF inside, and said he would keep a look out for when my new InReach came along.  Thank you.  Thank you also to Wayne from Lobster Company for keeping me n contact with all on Amazon and general updates.

My plans now, I have to wait for my lifeline so I will sit in Milford until it arrives.  The Amazon guys are leaving tomorrow so I will miss my ride with them but somehow it will all work out for me, I have to have faith, it always seems to.  April Fools Day tomorrow and bad weather forecast, stay put I am told, I will.   I hope I have said thank you to everyone today, I am unsure, there have been so many of you.  Sending another heartfelt thank you from Red, and I truly mean it, to:
The Crowe family on Honey, Tim, Jude, Ella and Samuel.
The Amazon guys, Mickey, Bill, Justin, Jamie, Mark and Brendon.
Real Jounreys, Will and Dave.
Wayne from the Lobster Company.

I owe you all.

Another incredible day, another day of incredible helpful generous people.

My smiles today:
To everybody and their help.
Nothing was a problem today.
What the universe dealt out to me today, what a curve ball day.
Milford Sound you are magnificent even on a windy,misty day.
The large bar of Whittakers Chocolate in my VHF parcel, thanks Jase.

My thoughts today:
An inspiring quote that Jude Crowe shared with me and we both feel passionate about:
Those who work with the elderly report that at the end of life the most common regret is not over what we did, but what we failed to do.  The chance not taken, the business not started, the invention not patented, the dream not followed, the talent not nourished, the novel not written, the product not tested, the trip not taken, the apology not offered.  So much music that died, bottled up inside us, because we were to timid to let it out.
It is something I will treasure, and try to stay true to.  I will live life until my zimmer frame arrives!

Goodnight from Red and all aboard Honey.

Misty Milford Sound